My Maiden Name...mine forever?

Noun 1. maiden name - A woman's family name before she is married. Used of a surname that is replaced by a woman when she marries. Also called birth name. (The American Heritage® Dictionary)

Noun 2. maiden name - a woman's surname before marriage (Collins English Dictionary)

 The practice of changing one's name after marriage is controversial among some groups. Some people feel that it is patriarchal, linking the name change with an identification of a woman as man's property, in a sense. Others feel that it simply undermines a woman's personal identity, rejecting her own lengthy family history. For professional women especially, keeping a maiden name may be a matter of career advancement, especially if they became well-known before marriage.
( http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-a-maiden-name.htm)


My Grandma lives in a small conservative, rural area, she leads a life governed by tradition and religion. Because of this she has major issues with the way my Mum lives. Grandma's idea of a woman is someone who cooks and cleans, someone who is dependent on the men in her life, whether it be her husband or her son or her father. My Ma by comparison is a very independent lady. She went to uni straight after college and got a highschool teachers degree. She know works as university lecturer and researcher in the field of maths. She has her PhD and is an associate proffesor of maths education and the associate dean of research and learning within the university's department of education. She drinks, and horrors of horrors...she kept her maiden name!

When Ma met my Dad he was working as a tradesman, he had never even thought of going to uni and he had never drunk a drop in his life. Mum quickly introduced him to the wider world and he became a mature age student just after I turned three. Mum and Dad also sit down to a nice glass of red wie or a cool beer roughly two times a week. They don't get drunk but yes...they do drink.

My Grandma was (and is) outraged at this behaviour. Of course she could do very little about the whole situation apart from when it came to...Christmas Cards! yes that's right! Grandma takes an annual stand my adressing the christmas card not to Kim and Garry or to Mr Reeve and Ms Beswick or to Mr Reeve and Dr Beswick but to Mr and Mrs Garry Reeve. Every year she ignores Ma when she explains that;
...Yes she does understand Grandma's values but no "could you please respect mine and accept that I am a Beswick not a Reeve"...
A futile struggle indeed as Grandma belives that women are not fit to be equal to men and that this is a God given law, (!?!?!?) reminding me of a quote from Sophocles' Antigone

"We must remeber that we two are first, by nature, women and not fit to fight with men" (haha nice to see I can still find relevence in the material used in English class!)

But on the subject of maiden names I think to Ma, keeping her name was a) easier than changing details at the bank, work, etc but also b) it was one way that she could show she was truly independent and didn't need a man to get places in life.

I have to say, for once I agree with my Mum, the act of a woman changing her name after marriage, historically symbolises that she is no longer her father's property but is now her husband's property, So for me I see no reason why I shouldn't just keep the name I was born with and have that be that.

I do also respect that many women still change their name when they marry simple because that is what "is done" as such or just because they feel it's a mark of respect or closeness to their husband. But I do ask, Why doesn't the husband change his name?

Some food for the thought there...
xx